It’s late and I have this need to write out where the bane of my existence has finally ended, somewhat, and life has started. That’s way out there in terms of understanding. Simply meaning, I’ve found that I don’t have to do it all on my own.
So many years of living life as a Christian, the side of me that wants an ever growing relationship with Jesus, seems to have matured just a little.
Back story: I’m a visual thinker and I’ve finally found a simple image to grasp which holds meaning. Others around me would have already grasped this just by reading their Bibles, because they don’t think in pictures (at least they haven’t confessed). What is thinking in pictures? I don’t see words, I see images and those images contain keywords in the form of an emotion (negative/ positive). These keywords are embedded into the image much like meta tags in a photographer’s gallery.
Back to that image. A stick figure stands on a large metal plate and a black liquid-like molasses is squished under it but that liquid can’t overcome the metal plate. The stick figure has his hands lifted to heaven and his face focused on Jesus Christ. This is the simplest image I’ve ever been able to remember. The meaning is as such: The metal plate is Grace and the liquid is Sin. What does it all mean? We can stand firm on/because of Grace, having a spiritual power over Sin because of Jesus’ death and resurrection (and our salvation in that), and we should not allow Sin to pester us or make us feel guilty or pull us down. Once I’ve recognized that I have this power/authority, then Satan is no longer something to fret(falling prey to a believe that Sin masters our daily lives). And when I focus my whole being (mind/ soul/ heart) on Jesus, just like Peter should have done instead of looking at the waves around him, I’m given strength/assurance to win these battles. Sin is no longer my master.
This revelation didn’t come simply by finding a picture to remember. It came through two years of looking for a full-time job, which I have yet to gain, and lots of giving over of my time, thoughts, driving-the-car desires (wanting to be in control), and much to any demise, Jesus started to take away the icing on the cake from my life. It came down to total dependence on him and realizing it really is good to be in the dessert, because that’s where he disciplines us and I learn to trust him. Even through all this hardship, He has provided for me, one day at a time. I may not have had a desired full-time job, yet he has provided the part-time work I needed to make those financial ends meet. There have been times when money doesn’t look like it will come in and at the very last millisecond, it appears.
Now there are two important life lessons learned here that need to be thought out each day of my life going forward. I’ve learned both because of the dessert. These are phrases that I say at the beginning of each day and some days I forget because my mortal body (old nature) would rather return to the vomit than trust God. And when I’ve fallen for the lies again, I’m left to a mindset of, I’m nothing without Jesus. This is not, I’m worthless or I’m ugly or I’m a good-for-nothing, etc. It’s not those phrases that pull you down. It’s a phrase that points to my Savior and reminds me how much He really wants to love me if I’ll just let him. So first thing in the morning, I say in my mental prayers and most other days, I speak it out loud: I have to trust you, Jesus, for everything in my life. Money, work, life, wife, relationships, etc. And the second thing I say is: I’m nothing without you, Jesus. I can do nothing without you in my life, first. You know, it’s because of Jesus that I wake up each morning, it’s because of him that I slowly have learned that prayer and reading His words are important each day.
No, I’m not perfect and I have quirks that make my life of finding happiness even more difficult. I do want a closer relationship with Jesus more than anything else. Because you know, when you put Jesus first in everything, he blesses you more than you can imagine at this time in your bane of existence.